The results are in -WE CAN GET A WASHING MACHINE THROUGH OUR DOOR!
Which is great news because I'm getting tired of the washing that is piling up around me. It's a little sad as well because I had postulated some great theories on how our existing machine actually made it into our basement utility room.
Theory 1: Grow-Your-Own Washing Machine
A group of scientists develop an instant-grow washing machine (just add water!) for utilization in future space colonizing missions. The tablet weighs one ounce and springs to full-size after being doused in water. Unfortunately the lead scientist died in a bizarre gardening accident before developing a shrinking formula for the washing machine. The other scientists in the team were so devastated by the loss that they all gave up their earthly possessions and are living in various ashrams across India. A prototype tablet was among the possessions given away and made it to a local garage sale. At this point a previous owner of this house bought it and happily installed it in the basement knowing they would never again need to haul laundry to a laundromat ever again..
Theory 2: Alien Technology
(Inspired by Torchwood) A secret government agency has been utilizing captured alien technology and has been experimenting with teleportation. A previous owner of this house happened to be an electrician doing work at the secret agency. He was a nice guy that everybody loved. When he mentioned that he would love to get a washing machine in his basement, but couldn't because the doorways were too narrow, a grateful agency employee transported a washer/dryer set over. Being a secret government agency, the electrician had to sign a document swearing never to speak of the teleportation incident ever again. Not that it would have been a problem because soon after selling the house, the electrician passed away in a bizarre gardening accident.
Theory 3: Laundry Fairy
On the eve of the Vernal Equinox, the Laundry Fairy visits all the laundry rooms and leaves gifts of new washer/dryers to those that are the most sincere. Either my laundry room is not sincere enough or we need to presume the Laundry Fairy is just missing in action, presumably suffering from a bizarre gardening accident.
So as you can see, all these wonderful theories will never be put to test as we can just replace our washer the boring old normal way.