Fearless

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This week's yoga class was about being fearless. In particular, about being fearless when doing a handstand. Please note, I have never done a handstand before in my life. Talk about fear!

I'm not sure which fear was greater. The fear of:

1. Being upside down
2. My clothes staying in place while I was upside down
3. The pain of stressing my neck and shoulders
4. Speaking up about my concern of stressing my neck and shoulders
5.  My arms potentially not being strong enough to support me
6. Having to depend on a relative stranger to support me while I was trying to be upside down

I made it into a handstand on my second attempt. I was terrified, but I did it anyway. My clothes cooperated, my arms did not give out, and my partner was steady and reliable -I certainly couldn't have done it without her!

I did not say anything about my concerns. Mostly, I was too chicken to speak up. But part of me just wanted to see how far I could push myself. I did not want to give pain the power to dictate what I could and could not do. So I kept my mouth shut, did the handstand, then went home and put on a heating pad. I may regret the decision in the morning, but somehow I think not.

And speaking of fearlessness, have you purchased your copy of Daring Greatly yet?

Yet another Exercise is Good for Treating Fibromyalgia post

It has been forever since I last posted. I finally realized it was mostly because what I have to say now is really, really difficult for me. Of course rather than just write it down, I procrastinated. But I think I am ready to get this off my chest:

At this time, exercise is helping me manage my Fibromyalgia pain with minimal medication.

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I very clearly remember my first meeting with a specialist when trying to figure what was wrong with me. After asking lots of questions, poking me (painfully) in several places, he delivered the verdict: "Well, I just think you just need to exercise more." I wanted to punch his condescending face!

It was that condescending attitude that makes me reluctant to shout from the rooftops, "EXERCISE MAKES ME FEEL BETTER!"  When you are in pain from head to toe, constantly fatigued, and mentally scattered, the last thing you want or need to hear is that you "just need to exercise more."

But I gave exercise one more try. I was able to do some over the summer and it felt good then, and I was willing to do almost anything rather than add anti-depressants to my care regime. Much to my surprise, it worked. My coworkers noticed the difference immediately. I no longer walked like I was 90, and I felt calm and focused. Exercising in the morning before work helped me get through the day, but I was still crashing when I got home. Many nights saw me in bed before 6:00.

I started working with a trainer during the summer, but with the beginning of school I had to find a different time to work with her. The only time that worked for both of us was mid-week, after school. I had made a deal with DH (Dear Husband) that he would take Turtle to school 4 mornings a week so I could hit the gym before work. I did not want to give up my workout before school (and ruin the deal with DH), so I decided that on Wednesdays I would be working out twice. I was prepared to be completely wiped out by the time I was done. But another surprise was in store for me: instead of being ready to crawl into bed the minute I returned home from this second workout, I found that I could stay awake until Turtle's bedtime! It was becoming pretty clear that instead of sapping my energy, exercise was actually giving me energy!

Four weeks after my doctor urged me to consider taking an anti-depressant, I was back in the office, a new woman. She was thrilled with the changes and we decided that at least at this time, I did not need to add any medication. I tweaked my schedule so that I could fit in a second workout most weeknights to help me stay awake and pleasant in the evenings.

If you suffer chronic pain, trust me -I know, I get it! Doing something that can cause more pain is the last thing you want to consider, let alone do. Exercising is making a huge difference in my life, and I feel compelled to share my experience in case it could help someone else.

But it still galls me to admit that someone else was right about exercise. (Stupid, smug, condescending-but-cute doctor.)

To be continued......

Tracking Fibromyalgia Pain Journal Pages

Fibromyalgia is different for everyone. This is one of the things that makes treating it so difficult. As a newbie to this world of chronic pain, it is up to me to figure out what works best. In order to find what works best, I need to know what triggers the pain.  I already know that stress is a pain trigger, but as I've now had two more flare ups since my diagnosis I know there are other triggers. With the Fibro Fog clouding my mental capacity, I decided it was time to start writing things down.

I searched for online tracking journals, but the free ones didn't seem to suit what I was trying to track, or had a monthly subscription. I'm already spending a small fortune on medical stuff, so I didn't want to subscribe to anything if I didn't have to. It was time for me to create my own tracking system.

To begin with, I decided to focus on tracking my food intake, sleep, activity, stress and pain. In order to make it easier to find triggers, I will be logging the one day's food, sleep, activity & stress on the first page of the journal. The next day, I will record pain & symptoms on the page I started the day before, and on a new page I will again record food, sleep, activity & stress, repeating until I have recorded information for an entire month. Before my next visit with my doctor, I will pull out the high pain/symptom days and look for commonalities in the food, sleep, activity & stress categories. For example, if I notice that I have increased symptoms every time I get less than 7 hours of sleep, I can then focus on making sleep a priority. Perhaps I'll discover that eating chocolate triggers a pain flare, so I would experiment with eliminating chocolate from my diet. (N.B.: I will be DEVASTATED if I have to give up chocolate!)

I will be recording stress in the comments column, along with any noteworthy events or changes to routine. The pages will go into a three ring binder (when I can find the energy to pick up another binder). Maybe I will get some fun pens to make the record keeping fun. In case you would like your own copy (minus the bonus doodles), you can get one here. Eventually, I may get fancy and add pretty pictures to the pages. Hey, just because I have fibromyalgia, it doesn't mean I can't have fun with a journal  :-P

The good news is....

I didn't really intend to stop blogging for so long, it just sort of happened. January and February are generally tough months for me to get through -bitterly cold weather that keeps us from going outside and a long stretch of time with no significant time off. Of course this winter, we did not get the bitterly cold weather so on most days, the kids were able to go out for recess. We still managed to get a few late starts and at least one day off due to weather.

The biggest reason I stopped blogging was health related. Last fall I had what we thought was a nasty virus that left me bone tired and in pain from head to toe. By the beginning of December, I was finally starting to feel better. By the end of December, my hands were hurting again. In February I woke up once again in severe pain from head to toe and hardly able to move. There is a history of autoimmune diseases in my family, so I was really worried. Really worried.

Tests kept coming back normal, my doctor was puzzled and referred me to the local university hospital to see if they would be able to discover anything. I am able to say with a huge sigh of relief, the good news is that I have fibromyalgia! Not that fibromyalgia is a fun walk in the park, but at least for now I don't have to worry about taking horrible, nasty drugs to try and control a progressive, degenerate disease. I just have to worry about taking horrible, nasty drugs to control pain and various other symptoms for an illness that no one understands.

I was given a prescription for a muscle relaxant, two pages of information on fibromyalgia, a cheery wave good-bye, and a "call us if you need anything" from the university. I take this to mean that they aren't really interested in helping me manage my care, so I'm doing the best I can until I can get back to my own doctor and get some professional guidance.

I feel blessed that I did not have to suffer for years before getting a diagnosis. It is sad that women with chronic pain are still not taken seriously. Perhaps someone should design a course on how to be assertive with a doctor. I know I would sign up for it!




Darwin  Wiggett

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